I find myself bored and alone a lot of the time. Why is that? I have been trying to have a stronger walk with the Lord, but it has been a big struggle. I keep waiting for some big magical moment where everything just falls into place, my walk with God is strong and I am full of joy. But I am realizing that human relationships don't work like that, why would it work that way with the Lord? Marriages take work and nurturing, commitment, time spent together and talking to one another. These are things I have not really been willing to give to God.
A few weeks ago, my husband and I made the commitment to go back to church consistently, instead of once every couple of months. We have started doing our daily devotions and praying together. We talk more, about everything, and I can really see God's hand working in our personal lives and in our marriage. We talked for about 2 hours one night about doubts and fears, and in church that Sunday I saw my very words up on the screen. The lesson was just what I had talked to my husband about. How amazing is that? God actually does hear me. It has been like this for weeks, he is constantly showing himself to me. It's still hard for me to make the daily commitment, but I am trying. Am I alone in this? I see some lady's at the church that really seem to have it together and I have alienated myself from them. I go to a couple of bible studies and then quit for one reason or another. I have a deep desire to have friends, but I have not allowed myself the opportunity to get to know anyone. I don't really know what is going with me sometimes, but I could really use some extra prayers going upstairs!
About Me
- Kristen
- I am a Christian and I am a wife and mommy to the best boys in the world!
Hey Buddy!!! I know what you mean. Hear me when I say all of this, because I have been there. Keep this in mind... "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." Which means don't allow fear to control you, and keep you from pursuing your dreams. Don't be afraid of failing. Learn from your mistakes and move on, it will only strengthen you. You have a good life,you have someone who loves you very much, and you have a precious boy together. You have what you have always desired. Don't look at how other people are, and be afraid because they appear to always have it together... Never know what gos on behind closed doors... They may not have it together, they may need someone to talk to as well. Anytime you have feelings you need to talk about.. be sure and tell your husband how you feel. It is not fair to keep feelings from him, at the same time... Don't always bring the same things up... Once you talk about them, and pray about them... Let them be in Gods hands. He is in control. Sometimes it is hard to realize our life is in someone Else's hands, and they know our every move before we do, and it is hard to trust that... but we just have to take it day by day and one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is not going anywhere. I had dreams about you guys being together when he and I were together. You guys were meant to be and you are soul mates. Its kind of like 13 going on 30... haha... You found your soul mate at like 13... well however old you are in 8th grade. Don't allow fear to control you. Don't ever think you are not good enough to talk to people who appear to have things in order... because you are a great friend, and a great person to talk to. You do not judge others, and you really help them out by just listening. It is hard for some people to open up, because they are afraid of being judged, or afraid of what the other person might think, but don't be afraid. You are who you are, and you are blessed.
There are times when you are going to feel alone, and bored... but take that time to get closer with God... Pick up a hobby... maybe making cards, or making goals for your future... start planning for Micah.... what schools will he go to when you move back here, what day care, begin looking for places you are interested in living, and begin making plans... There is so much you can do... start working out, and feeling better about yourself. It doesn't help if any type of insecurity is in the picture during a relationship... because a lot of times that is where our fear of loosing someone comes in... Anytime you have a fear of loosing your husband for what ever reason.... Just think that he has chosen you, and you have chosen him, and you have always loved him no matter what... Don't bring up any past experiences involving past relationships. It wont help... Just let it go, free your mind... As Rick use to say... your mind is your battlefield. That is where it all starts. Don't allow your emotions and feelings control you... Pray about things that upset you, and don't allow the things you cannot control upset you. Just know that it is all in Gods hands, and have faith in him and he is always there to listen.
I Love you Buddy and I'm always here for you any time you need me. I miss you and us more than you know.
Thank you Heidi for the encouraging words. It is easy to always feel like others are judgeing me. I feel like that a lot, but I know that is not from the Lord.
ReplyDeleteI didn't mean to make it sound like Matt and I were having problems. We are good, I just meant..in the same way marriages and relationships take work, so does a relationship with God!
I know I am blessed, God has been good to me, even though I have been undeserving. I just stopped including God in my life and I have really been feeling that void that nothing but him can fill. All I can do now is talk to him and read his word.
I have never been in a place where I don't really have any close friends. It gets lonely, but I kind of did it to myself..I just closed out the world this last year. But I am back..or at least I am trying :-)
I love and miss you too, thank you for everything!